Guilt and Innocence
by Krac
Summary: Loyalities are tested when a comatose Asli is brought back to the Mansion while Kitty stays in England with Excaliber. Chapter 3! “I’m only gonna tell you once more mate…sod off…or I will stick a hot-knife so far up your…”
1. 1000 Oceans

Disclaimer…yeah…I don't own the Evo Universe…if I did I would be a rich woman…and would make Remy clones for myself, Ishy and Star of Chaos…mmmm…and they'd wear nothing but black leather…and….*drool* where was I? oh yeah…don't sue. 

Key

****

Blah – narrative

**Blah** – telepathic speech and memories

_Blah_ – thoughts

****

****

**Guilt and Innocence**

**One**

Dark clouds rolled in over upstate New York bringing with them sheets of rain, liberally sprinkled with hail-it was possibly the most severe of the storms to lash the area in the last month-despite the meteorologist's insistence that the sun should be shinning brightly.  He could not have known that Mother Nature herself was grieving the loss of one of her children.  But then he was only human and the only people aware of the senseless deaths of the Morlocks under the streets of New York City were mutants-much like the one causing the current torrential downpour.  It seemed everyone felt the tears Ororo Monroe shed for her slain nephew.  

It was unclear to the other residents of the Xavier Institute for Gifted children whether or not she also cried for the loss of mutantkind's innocence.  Once the Marauders had stepped into the Alley so few had left with their lives intact-even those that had survived been irrevocably changed.  

Warren Kenneth Worthington the third was one of those left broken in the wake of the tragedy-the tall, blonde all-American multimillionaire had lost the one thing that made him different.  They had been his gift and curse for the better part of a decade yet now that his wings were gone, that he was confined to the ground he found himself wishing that he hadn't dreamed of being normal for so many years.  

The muscles in his back screamed to take flight but Warren remained in his chair staring out the window watching the younger students of the Institute chase each other across the manicured lawn.  Tears ran freely from his eyes as he lifted his eyes to the bright blue sky that had once been his home.  

Too late Warren had realized he didn't want to be just 'normal'.  He wanted to be the beautiful Angel once more.  Once he had thought to sell his soul to be rid of the wings that set him apart from the rest of humanity-that made him a freak in a world of freaks.  A wave of self pity washed over Warren as he realized that he would now sell his soul to have them back-what was a winged mutant without his wings?

"**I need to speak to everyone in the common room**," Professor Xavier's mental voice interrupted Warren's brooding, summoning the residents of the mansion.

Rising unsteadily to his feet it took Warren several seconds to balance his body without the heavy wings on his back-one of the many adjustments he had been busy making to his day to day life.  Focusing on keeping himself upright Warren didn't notice just how full the common room was until he entered, if Hank McCoy hadn't risen and offered Warren his seat the millionaire would have been stuck standing while the Professor made his grand announcement.  

Xavier watched Warren sit down and waited for everyone to settle themselves before clearing his throat.  This was the second time Charles Xavier was forced to make a difficult occurrence known to his children-his X-Men.  Without thinking Charles' thoughts drifted back a year and a half to the day he had announced Rogue's defection to Magneto's Acolytes.  _How far we have come to return to the same place_, the telepath sighed aware of the curiosity the younger students were barely bridling and the barely restrained disinterest of the adults.  

It was now or never.  Taking a deep breath Xavier began, "I have just received word from Cyclops on Muir Island apparently Malice attacked the complex with several of Sinister's mercenaries."

"You should have sent me with them Chuck," Logan was the first to speak snapping to attention immediately.  

Xavier smiled at the ancient warrior, "Fortunately, they were able to repel the attack without your considerable skill Logan.  But not without casualties."

The room went dead silent as the X-Men waited to hear who amongst them had been the next to die at Malice's hand.  Outside lighting began to rage as Ororo Monroe clenched her fists in fury, "Who has she killed now Charles? How many more before we stop her…"

"No one," Xavier frowned knowing he hadn't worded things correctly, "During the fight Malice lost control and Cypher retook her body."

A sigh of relief washed through the room; those who hadn't seen Cypher's transformation into Malice first hand relaxed-after all she had been a quiet addition to the Institute.  Warren frowned, he remembered Cypher well from the time he had spent with her but those happy memories were replaced by the image of a blood soaked villainess laughing at his pain.  

He was so wrapped up in his nightmares Warren almost didn't hear Xavier's next words, "There however was an accident and Cypher's neural cortex implant was destroyed-she is in a deep coma.  The team is bringing her back here for medical attention."

 "Why?" a woman's voice called from the throng-Callisto, the former leader of the Morlocks stood frowning-only a quirk of fate had kept her from the Alley that blood soaked day.

The Professor's eyebrows drew together, "It has always been my belief that all mutants in need would be welcome in my home.  As yourself and the Morlocks have come here to heal-so shall Cypher."

"You would welcome a murderer with open arms?" Callisto sneered her one eye blazing with anger, "Is anyone even sure that Malice is banished from the girl's mind-it could be a trick."

"She'd slaughter us in our beds!" one Morlock spoke up cowering behind his leader in fear, "I saw her take Sypke's eye like it was nothing to her…"

Emboldened by the first outburst a young female Morlock with green scales stood, "She took our fear and fed it back to us…the ones she killed…it was with her bare hands…"

"Enough!" Logan bellowed causing the few Morlocks who spoke up to loose their nerve, "Either way this has got us between a rock and a hard place…if we don't take her in and it really is Cypher-if the technology in her body got into the wrong hands…" he broke off with a shudder, "If it is a trap of Malice's then we'd best keep a close watch on her to prevent her from getting loose again."

Clearing his throat Henry McCoy weighed in, "I never got to study any of Cypher's implants because of her natural dislike of testing-but if what Logan and the Professor have said about them is true-I cannot see a malfunction like this leaving room for either Asli or Malice."

"Why is that?" Warren spoke before he could stop himself and burned red as the attention of the room volleyed towards him.

The large blue mutant shrugged, "The neural cortex implant was to speed up and enhance Asli's memory and brain capacity-if it has been destroyed it is likely that she is brain dead.  Cecilia and I would have to examine her closely but…"

"It would be doubtful the girl would emerge from her vegetative state…" The statuesque Dr. Reyes finished McCoy's thought for him, "If she did I would say she would be severely brain damaged."

The room stood still as if holding its breath; there was a lot of information to digest.  Xavier could feel a pall of emotion descend on the crowd-fear, pity, satisfaction; sadness-he was lost in the swirl of thought when the calm voice of Ororo Monroe broke through, "Then perhaps it would be a mercy to allow nature to take her course."

"You would just let her die?" Dr. Reyes eyebrows shot up as she turned on the weather witch.

Ororo kept her hands tightly fisted in her lap as the storm outside raged-a clue at the inner turmoil she felt, "If that is the will of the Goddess, yes.  Eventually she will have to pay for her crimes-not only the ones her body committed without her knowledge.  We don't even know how many times she has killed-Magneto…her own father even.  It maybe for the best that we allow things…"

"No." Logan's voice was subdued, "Asli isn't the only one here to make a few mistakes…she's exactly what they made her to be-cunning, fast and ruthless.  The kid did the best she could considering."

Callisto snorted ignoring the sad look Xavier was giving her, "So we should feel sorry for her because bad things happened in her life? Look around you-the Morlocks have suffered above ground and been driven from their lives and you expect us to pity this girl because she was someone's science project?  Excuse me if I care more about the innocent children she killed or maimed."

"It wasn't just anyone," For the first time Kurt Wagner spoke from the small corner he had made himself near Logan-still healing from his injuries he had stayed behind when the other X-Men had traveled to England.  He didn't know why but Callisto's outright refusal to help Asli felt wrong to Kurt; despite everything the hacker had been someone Rogue trusted implicitly.  She had been one of his sister's greatest friends and some one Logan respected-a rare feat for people as distrusting as the two loners could be.  Slowly, Kurt realized all eyes were on him as they waited for him to finish speaking; "The man who experimented on Asli and the others was her father. He killed three of his 'experiments' before she took out his life support system in self defence.  I was there."

In the face of Kurt's endorsement some of the animosity faded from the room.  Xavier looked to Callisto who still stood ramrod straight her arms crossed.  A look of discuss passed over her scarred face, "I can't stop you Xavier, if you want to bring the viper to your heart that's your choice-but I won't risk the lives of my people on your gamble."

With that she turned and left the room with the Morlocks who could follow trailing behind her.

*******************

In the heart of the Muir Island facility Kitty Pryde was grateful to be retuned to her cell.  Curled up on her side the X-Woman cried quietly, _how had things gotten so out of hand?_  She asked herself over and over again as she rocked gently on her narrow bed.

When Pete Wisdom had let her out Kitty had been so full of anger-ready to take Malice on alone if she had to.  She watched helpless as any of the others while the two personalities warred for control and when the dust settled Kitty had leaned in to make sure Asli was alright.  Really, that was the only motivation she had at the time.  Never in Kitty's wildest revenge fantasy did she envision accidentally running any part of her phased body through Asli's.  She certainly hadn't meant to short out the implant stuck in the other girl's brain. It really was just a horrible accident.

That had been Kitty's mantra-she didn't want to think that she had grown to hate Piotr's obsessive love for the hacker cloud her judgement enough to leave the girl brain dead.  Even more fervently Kitty wished to forget the absolute joy that had flooded Piotr's deep blue eyes when he realized Asli had won the battle for dominance.  It wasn't jealousy-no girl would want to see her boyfriend look at another woman that way unless it was a blood relative.  

Of course Piotr wasn't Kitty's boyfriend anymore-if she was being honest with herself she would admit he'd never really been her's.  But Piotr had made it quite clear while gathering Asli's broken body into his massive arms things were over.  Hell, she wasn't even sure she had friends anymore let alone a boyfriend.  Kitty closed her eyes tight as tears spilled down her cheeks in memory.

**"Asli!"**** Rogue's voice came out hoarse as she moved forward to catch the hacker's falling body.**

**Unable to help herself Kitty looked down at the collapsed form at her feet trying to figure out just what had happened.  Being closer Piotr reached the two girls before the southern goth and knelt next to the fallen hacker brushing hair away from her delicate face, "What did you do?"  
  
**

**"I didn't do anything!" Kitty had to fight to keep herself from shouting at him-she wasn't used to seeing such naked anger on Piotr's gentle face, "I leaned over to see if she was alright and she stood up into my hand…"**

**"Head first," Rogue's voice seemed tired as she too dropped to the ground.**

**Kitty started as Pete Wisdom of all people came to her rescue, "So what? It's not like she's 'urt any of the other people she's gone through…I'm still standing."**

**A shiver jogged down Kitty's spine when Rogue lifted her eyes to look at the British mutant, "You don't have mechanical implants in your body…or your brain."**

**Silence descended like a shroud as the words set in-Kitty's mutation allowed her to short out electronic devices when she phased through them.  Asli's brain had been rattled with implants and chips…A sob of horror caught in Kitty's throat.**

**Shaking her head Kitty tried to meet Piotr's eyes but the look there was as cold and heartless as it had ever been in Magneto's service, "I didn't…"**

**He didn't answer her as he slowly lifted the unconscious girl from the ground; deliberately turning his back on her to carry Asli to the clinic.  Wildly Kitty turned to Rogue, "I didn't think…"  
  
**

**"That's right Kit," It was the weariest the valley girl could remember hearing the Goth, "You didn't and now Asli's gonna have to pay for that mistake."**

**The Southerner spun on her heel to follow Piotr and Asli leaving Kitty to stand alone, her shoulders shuddering with sobs.  Beside her Kitty could feel Wisdom move closer to offer a little support; he sighed deeply, "Ain't love a bitch?"**

The memories faded leaving Kitty alone with nothing but her tears and conscience to comfort herself with. 

*******************

"I know you're goin' for the Prince Charming look Shug," Rogue sighed as she entered the tiny hospital room Moria Mctaggart had set up to house Asli until the return trip back to the States.  Piotr Rasputin was still sitting next to the bed his large hand lightly holding one of the unconscious girl's tiny, white hand-the position he had remained in for two days straight. "But I don't think red eyes, morning breath and stubble were ever Asli's thing."

He used his free hand scratch at the shadow of beard that had bloomed on his cheeks; Piotr hadn't taken the time to look in the mirror since he had carried the limp body of Asli Fraser into the Muir Island Research centre.  Her dark hair spread across the white pillow, the curls framing the too pale face-her dark lashes latticing her cheeks; she looked so small and helpless to Piotr.  He couldn't remember a time when Asli had looked so vulnerable; the only time that came close was the night at the Brotherhood House when he had watched her sleep in the grips of a nightmare.  But even then there had been strength under the fragility-as if she were made of porcelain coating a diamond center.  The figure on the bed carried no hint of that unbreakable center and it broke Piotr's heart all over again.

"Shug?" The worried tone of Rogue's voice reminded Piotr that she had been speaking to him before he wandered into his dream world.

A faint blush crossed his cheeks as he lifted his eyes to his friend's undeniably concerned face, "I wouldn't want her to wake up alone.  I left her once Rogue…I can not do it again."

Rogue felt her composure crack slightly-she couldn't tell yet what was more heart wrenching; Asli's comatose state or Piotr's devotion.  Lifting her lips slightly, Rogue forced herself to smile sadly, "Piotr, you heard Moria-Asli could wake up but it won't be right away…the damage to her brain…if she wakes up it might be too much…"

Piotr's chair scraped the floor as he stood, "Niet, you know her better than anyone…she fought Malice to return to us…there has to be something we can do…"

"There is Shug," Rogue placed one gloved hand on the large man's shoulder and gave him a squeeze; letting all her sympathy shine in her green eyes, "We can hope.  Maybe there is a way to fix all the brain damage…maybe Asli will wake up on her own…but that all comes back to hope.  Right now-that's all we've got. But you can't live on hope alone…you've got to eat and shower and move on.  When we get back to the Institute you have Yana to worry about.  You know she wouldn't want you to throw your life away to live on hope alone."

A flash of memory came unbidden to the front of Piotr's mind; Asli sitting on Lance Alvers' bed when they spoke for the very last time. _"When you love some one Piotr-you sacrifice everything for them.  You became Magneto's slave to save your sister…what would you do to save me? I can't be responsible for that…I can't let you give up everything for me. I refuse to let loving me destroy you."_

Tears formed in Piotr's eyes and he lowered his head into his hands-Rogue was right.  His shoulders began to shake as the sobs took control of him, once more he had let the only woman he had ever really loved slip right through his fingers.  His punishment for not believing in her enough when all she had sought to do was to keep him safe and happy.  She had given Piotr his freedom, his sister and his friends-in return he would have given his soul to give her the same happiness. Piotr had failed miserably and every mechanical beat of Asli's heart threatened to break his into a thousand pieces.

Barely keeping her own tears in check Rogue held her friend as he sobbed for all the 'might have beens' that plagued his relationship to the girl on the bed.  Sometimes love could be a curse.

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I also don't own the song "1000 Oceans" it's all Tori Amos'…really…I mean that…well maybe also a shout to Star for suggesting it…

**1,000 Oceans   
Tori Amos **

these tears i've cried   
i've cried 1000 oceans   
and if it seems i'm. floating.   
in the darkness   
well, i can't believe that i would kep.   
keep you from flying   
and i would cry 1000 more if that's   
what it takes to sail you home   
sail you home sail you home   
  
i'm aware what the rules are   
but you know that i will run   
you know that i will follow you   
over silbury hill through the solar field   
you know that i wil follow you   
  
and if i find you. will you. still remember   
playing at trains   
or does this little blue ball   
just fade away.   
over silbury hill through the solar field   
you know that i will follow you.   
i'm aware what the rules are   
but you know that i will run   
you know that i will follow you   
  
these tears i've cried   
i've cried 1000 oceans   
and if i'm. floating.   
in the darkness   
well, i can't believe that i would kep.   
keep you from flying   
and i will cry 1000 more if that's   
what it takes to sail you home   
sail you home sail you home 

And to thank those reviewers for "Shame and Resurrection" chapter six…the ever loyal Star of Chaos and Ishandahalf…yay you…maybe you'll be the only ones to get the next chapter of "Wild Horses" ? Am I that evil…possibly…muahahahahaha.


	2. With or Without You

**Two**

"You okay _chère_?" Remy lifted his head from the pillow as Rogue slipped into the bedroom he was sharing with Piotr; when the Russian wasn't holding vigil at Asli's bedside.

She moved quietly in the darkness and sat heavily on the side of the bed allowing Remy to cradle her back against his body, "I will be…" Rogue sucked in a deep breath, "Can you…can you just hold me Remy?"

"_Mais oui_," he shifted position so that she could lie down next to him on the small bed, moulding their fully clothed bodies together.

Remy settled in wrapping Rogue in his arms and dropping his face into the hair that covered the back of her neck; breathing in the sweet vanilla smell that was simply Rogue, "You wanna talk about it?"

"It's just so…" she buried her face in the pillow and let out a small scream before lifting it out again-Remy didn't have to see her face to know she was biting her lip in agitation, "This whole thing is so fucking…messed up.  How'd we get here Rem?  How did things get so out of control? Piotr's a basket case and won't leave the clinic, Kitty's powers are permanently 'on', and Asli…shit."

Holding the woman he loved in his arms Remy thought about how lucky they were in comparison with the train wreak of a love triangle their friends were stuck in.  Being in love with Rogue was by no means paradise on earth-that Remy was still sporting a black eye curtsey of his Gothic Belle attested to that.  But he would rather deal with all the dizzying highs and terrifying lows than live without Rogue-to Remy that would be less than half a life. 

It didn't even matter to him that he couldn't touch Rogue's skin-there was so much more to loving her than mere physicality-besides they had very active imaginations.  As Remy would tell anyone willing to listen, you could be intimate without touching if you were creative.   Surprisingly though, it wasn't those stolen moments that mattered most to the Cajun Casanova-the quiet times just like this were more precious than gold to him. "Dunno _mon__ amour_," he sighed softly letting the breath dance over Rogue's neck, "If it were just _toi__ et moi_- Remy'd say it be fate coming back to bite us in de ass.  _Mais_, Petey and de Chaton are pure as de driven snow…and de man upstairs owes Asli…"

"Is that your way of just saying 'I don't know'?" Remy could hear the hint of a grin in her words.

Drawing his girlfriend tighter Remy laughed quietly, "Remy think so.  You just got to have a bit of faith."

"Since when," Rogue rolled in Remy's arms so that she could face him while speaking, "Do you have faith in a higher power Mr. Atheist?"

Leaning forward Remy paused with his lips just above the uncovered skin of Rogue's forehead, "Since _Le Bon Dieu_ gave dis lowly t'eif one of his own angels."

Before she could move or object Remy brushed his lips over her skin just long enough to make himself woozy and to allow Rogue to feel the contentment loving her brought to his soul.  As Remy lowered himself flat on the bed, resting her head on his chest while he wrapped his arms around her body, "I love you too Swamp Rat."

The two southerners drifted off to sleep listening to their syncopated heart beats. 

Tapping lightly on the door Scott pushed his head inside the med lab, "You called for me Piotr?"

"Da,"  The taciturn Russian nodded and waved Scott further into the room; scratching at his new beard growth with his free hand, "Rogue, Jean and Remy are sleeping…I did not want to leave her alone while I showered and shaved. According to Rogue I am in need of both."

Underneath the ruby quartz of his glasses Scott's eyes flicked to the small form on the bed then back to his one time roommate at the Xavier institute. Piotr really did need to clean himself up if they were going to fly back to the States in the morning-he looked like one of his distant Cossack ancestors, "Sure thing…"

"Thank you," Piotr smiled thinly, it was plain the strong man was under a mountain of strain as he let go of Asli's pale limp hand, "I did not want to leave her with a stranger."

A lump formed in the back of Scott's throat as he shook his head in agreement; somehow he doubted he'd be the first person Asli would want to see if she woke up.  Actually, Scott figured he would be somewhere with Kitty, Magneto and the girl's own father at the bottom of the list.  But he'd gladly stand vigil if it made Piotr feel better about taking some much deserved time to himself-it was the least Scott could do.

Nodding Scott watched blushing as the large man bent over to brush the hair from the girl's face and lay a chaste kiss on her white forehead.  He murmured something in Russian too low for Scott to make out the words-not that he spoke the language any way.  The field leader of the X-Men found himself embarrassed by the pure intimacy of the simple gestures, like he was intruding on a very private moment.  Summoning his voice Scott coughed, "Why don't you eat something too Piotr…we're going to be heading out once everyone's had a chance to rest and Psylocke's sedation wears off."

"Would you like anything?" Piotr asked straightening himself and shooting one last glance at the bed.

Scott smiled softly with a shake of his head, "Nah, I'll grab some coffee when you come back and before I wake the others.  You know how Jean and Rogue can be before they get their caffeine fix."

"Indeed," a small smile lifted Piotr's lips and he turned from the room leaving Scott alone with Asli and the steady sound of her heart monitor.

The bespectacled man watched his team-mate leave before sinking into the chair set next to the bed with a heavy sigh.  Somehow Scott had never envisioned his first opportunity alone with Asli quite like this, for one in Scott's mind's eye the hacker was conscious-not the sickly quiet that stilled her now.  It was unnatural in more ways than one.

Running a hand through his already messy hair Scott looked down at her trying to feel any of the resentment or guilt he had stored up in connection to Asli Fraser over the last year and a half.  It surprised him to no end to find both missing.  Scott had taken a lot of time to think about his feelings for the girl; he no longer hated her as he had when she had defected to Magneto with Rogue in tow.  Nor did the responsibility he normally felt for her 'death' rise to the surface.  The realization made Scott feel a little dizzy-he had been carting his negative emotions around like luggage for so long that their disappearance was a bit disorientating.

The comatose girl before him had done something to Scott Summers that losing his parents, living on the streets for years or fighting evil as a superhero had done.  She had shattered his black and white world view-none of Asli's actions could be so easily categorised as right or wrong.  She killed when she had to, she stole if need be and certainly wasn't above lying even to those she loved most-but it had all been in the name of a greater good.  She had been a leader worthy of his respect and despite all her flaws an X-man at heart.

Another sigh ripped it's way from between his lips as Scott berated himself for such maudlin thoughts.  Taking Asli's hand in his Scott marvelled at how tiny and delicate it felt, "They say people in comas can hear what's said around them…I wish I had had a chance to say it before but…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."

Saying the words out loud for the first time Scott Summers took the important first step in forgiving himself.

Kitty's head shot up as the sound of foot steps passing her cell reached her ears, "Is some one there?"

Moving to the door she gazed out the window trying to see just who was passing through the lab.  Even in the darkness Piotr's form was unmistakable and Kitty's heart plummeted into her stomach with a sickening 'thud'.  With a deep breath Kitty curled her hands into fists and made herself speak, "Piotr?"

The shadow stopped in its tracks and walked towards the window.  Kitty could feel her heart return to its home in her chest and beat well into her throat with each step until Piotr's face could be made out in the faint light that passed through the glass.  "What is it?"  His voice was as cold as his eye's; almost making Kitty wish for the anger he had shown before.

"I'm sorry," she held back a sob-at least he was talking to her now, "I'm so sorry…"

"What is done is done." His English grew more formal; a sure sign that Piotr's emotions were running high.

Swallowing back the tears she could feel rising Kitty leaned against the glass, "I never meant to hurt her…"

"Not consciously," Piotr's eyes didn't soften, "But I know well how you resented Asli."

Cold, bitter anger rose in Kitty's throat-now he took the time to consider her feelings?  "Oh it's a fine time to read my mind.  Why didn't you try that every time you fell asleep clutching her letter?  Or when you called her name in your sleep?  Or any of the hundred times you looked at me wishing you were with HER?"  Kitty's voice rose with anger and hysteria, "Do you have any clue what it was like for me?"

Piotr stared at her dispassionately through the window making Kitty even angrier.  Slamming her hand against the glass she snarled, "Of course I 'resented' her! Who the fuck wouldn't…you set her up to be some kind of ideal that I could never live up to.  No matter how much I loved you or how I took care of you or your sister.  Nothing was ever good enough because I was alive and she was dead! There was never any way for us to compare-even when Asli was still alive. Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to love a man that is obsessed with a ghost?  How hard it was to watch you love someone who threw away every opportunity to love you…who jumped into the beds of other men…Do you?!"

"Enough!" Piotr's shout reverberated through his giant chest but his deep blue eyes were resigned, "We both made our mistakes…I am sorry that I hurt you Katya…that was never my intention."

Sighing Kitty felt all of her rage leave her body in one fell swoop only to be replaced with an aching nothingness, "Well we both know what road is paved with good intentions."

"That is so," His voice was so soft Kitty had to strain to hear the words, "All of this doesn't mean I didn't love you too Katya.  There are many types of love."

Kitty lowered her head as she turned from Piotr-it was too hard for her to see all that naked emotion on his face, "I know.  And maybe in another time and place we could have had **that** type of love."

"Perhaps."

As her hysteria ebbed away from her mind the tears Kitty had been holding back burst forth running freely down her face.  Great hiccupping sobs drowned out the tread of Piotr's feet as he left the lab but Kitty knew he was gone any way.   He had been the greatest love of her life so far and Kitty was grateful he hadn't said 'goodbye', she wasn't quite sure if her heart could take that.  It was hard enough leaving the words unsaid between them but hearing them and knowing deep down that she would never smell the clean grass and paint smell that was purely Piotr again was another story. 

Goodbye would have meant the end of everything-the close friendship that had heralded the romantic relationship, and the severing of Kitty's ties to Yana.  Somehow that was the hardest blow for the X-Woman to face-she had always known she'd loose Piotr-but his little sister was like the daughter Kitty always wanted to have and losing that would have been overwhelming.  It was a kindness she hadn't expected from Piotr.

"Didn't I tell you love was a bitch?" A familiar cockney accent appealed from the intercom.

Wiping at her eyes furiously with the heels of her hands Kitty faced Pete Wisdom, "Yeah well you forgot to mention the fact that she likes to back over your heart with a steam roller when she breaks it."

"Oooh," he smirked waving his hands carelessly in the air careful not to tip the open bottle of whiskey in his left hand, "I figured you'd be smart enough to learn that for yourself luv."

"I'm afraid," Kitty paused slightly, "That I missed that lesson."

"Too bad about that…there was a nice film strip and everything," He smiled then did something Kitty never would have guessed of the Brit-Pete Wisdom sobered for a moment, "You goin' to be okay luv?"

The tears that hadn't quite left began to flow once more as Kitty tried to understand why he was being nice to her, "I think so…I hope so."

"Tell you what?"  Pete sidled up to the glass and lifted his bottle in a salute, "When Moria fixes you up I'll take you out for a good stiff drink to take your mind off it."

"I'm not twenty-one." Kitty pointed out blandly although the idea had it's merits.

Pete shook his dark head, "No worries…drinkin' age here is eighteen. How about it ducks?"

Despite or maybe because of Kitty's wish to be left alone her lips twisted upwards in a painful smile, "Sure why not?"

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Teehee…and so I attempt some ROMY fluff for my loyal readers…have I made up for the constant break ups yet?  I figured it was about time for Kitty and Piotr to have their knock down drag out fight…and I even let Scooter feel a bit better about himself…makes me wish I left him brooding longer…oh well…  I don't own the song 'With or Without You' it's U2's….ahhh…sweet sweet Bono.

**With or Without You – U2**

See the stone set in your eyesSee the thorn twist in your sideI wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fateOn a bed of nails she makes me waitAnd I wait without you With or without youWith or without you Through the storm we reach the shoreYou give it all but I want moreAnd I'm waiting for you With or without youWith or without youI can't liveWith or without you And you give yourself awayAnd you give yourself awayAnd you giveAnd you giveAnd you give yourself away My hands are tiedMy body bruised, she's got me withNothing to win andNothing left to lose And you give yourself awayAnd you give yourself awayAnd you giveAnd you giveAnd you give yourself away With or without youWith or without youI can't liveWith or without you With or without youWith or without youI can't liveWith or without youWith or without you 

And the reviews….

**Aberant****-** Yay….break the lurker curse…I've been feeling like this is an inferior work because so few people have reviewed…but I suppose this is all about quality over quantity.  I'm glad you like this though….

**Ishy****- **Come on…it's me of course there's angst…a krac fic without angst is like a winter without snow.  I know but people have a hard time telling the difference especially if the only one they met was Malice…and Asli was never a saint.  The way I was seeing Ororo's attitude towards things was that if there was no hope to let Asli die…it's a pretty realistic attitude.  To let nature run it's course.  Besides Storm's got some major grief going on here…it's only been like two weeks since the events in "Aftermath".  When don't you want to hug Kurt and Logan? And Callisto's comment was more due to the fact that unlike the Morlocks Asli passed above ground…she was able to hide what she was…okay yeah its still bitchy.  See…Kitty proves that repressed emotions are bad bad things.  I gave you more Pete to make up for the uberfluff.   I know the idea of someone waiting through thick and thin is soo sweet…I remember when my aunt was sick my uncle sat by her bed endlessly…it stuck with me.  Yeah, Piotr's heading for major angst ville…it's a one way ticket too.  Damn Leafs….loosing to a crappy team like Philly…grrrr.

**Star of Chaos – **Awwww…am I really the Angst fairy? Yeah I agree that Pete and Rogue could be nifty (And you do have too many other plot bunnies…I want my weekend reading Missy!) I was telling  Ishy that I could see Remy and Wanda working in a weird way too…hmmmm….I liked the idea of Scooter redeeming himself (I can abuse him more in Wild Horses)…it was in the plan but glad someone else saw it…how'd it go for you?  I really did need to clear room for all the Warren angst I'm adding to the Piotr/Kitty/Asli/Pete love rectangle of doom.  Don't worry though…I do plan on throwing Warren an ninja shaped bone…


	3. Useless

**Three**

_April 21 2005___

_I had thought that my internship at __New York__'s __Grace__Memorial__Hospital__ would have immured me to the pain and suffering of my patients. So many innocent victims caught in drive by gun fire, women with broken bones and other obvious signs of abuse returning to the side of their tormentor, drug addicted newborns. Not to mention the sad forgotten caste of sex workers often diseased or beaten by Johns or their Pimps-the walking wounded of economics and back alley abortionists. But now here all the detached reason that held my sanity together is slipping as I tour the small medical center set up in the wake of the Morlock Massacre to care for its victims. _

_It truly seems that God does not care for all his children and it breaks my heart. Why are the innocent the ones who suffer most?_

_I have saved those I could at great cost. It would cheer Angel to know he was not the only one whose salvation lay in amputation. But not all are so lucky. The little girl Torpid will die before the end of the week-I've done everything in my power but… In all my years as a doctor I have never felt so helpless. There are too many here that despite my skill, Xavier's equipment and Hank's assistance cannot be saved. _

_It's not in my hands and I can't accept that-there has to be something more I can do. I feel so useless here._

_In the past I viewed my mutation as a curse. I never sought out others of my kind. I felt no kinship with those freaks of nature. I hid who and what I was zealously. I lived in fear of them and myself. __Warren__ was the first of my kind that I met with an open mind-I had helped to care for the little girl he had accidentally knocked off the __Brooklyn__Bridge__. I didn't know that at the time of course-I would have called the police immediately. _

_By the time he trusted me enough to share his secret; I was more than tired of staying in the shadows myself. But then I never saw myself in this position-the only trained doctor with twenty seriously injured mutants to treat. I don't think I've slept in weeks and if it wasn't for Hank I'd probably have given up long ago-that man is a marvel. No matter what he keeps going with a Shakespeare quote and a smile. It's like he's a blue, furry Energizer Bunny. _

_And now patient twenty one is slated to arrive at any time. Scott and Jean called when they left Muir so that we could be ready for them when they land. Apparently, the girl's powers have been surging without her mind there to control them-Dr. Mactaggart has kept her sedated just to prevent the destruction of medical equipment. I shudder to think what would happen if they got out of control over the __Atlantic Ocean__. _

_To keep Callisto and the Morlocks happy we've set up a private room for the girl. No one here will say it out loud but it's more for her safety than the sensitivities of the other patients-I wouldn't put it past Callisto to smother the girl the moment my back is turned. From what Dr. Mctaggart has told me about my patient though I doubt the girl would be left alone long enough for the Morlock Queen to do the deed. If she did then Callisto would be facing a ton of pissed of metal Russian-not to mention an invulnerable girl with super- strength and the ability to kill with a touch and Cajun thief. Then I think Wolverine would dice up the leftover pieces._

_I never met this Asli, but I'm curious as to how she inspired such intense loyalty amongst the X-men. I've asked Hank about her but there wasn't much for him to tell me. She was a quiet girl who kept her own council-was respected by Xavier and managed to rid the world of Magneto. I remember __Warren__ telling me about her when she came to __New York__ with rogue to investigate a break in at his penthouse, but I know better than to ask his impressions of her now. But I have to wonder how he feels about all this; he lost nearly as much as the Morlocks but he didn't speak one way or another when the Professor announced Asli's return to the fold. I find that most…_

Cecilia's head shot up as a soft knock sounded at her door. Setting down her journal and throwing a pillow over it she stood. "Come in."

The shaggy blue head of her assistant Hank McCoy poked through the opening, "They're about to land. Shall we meet them in the hangar?"

Pulling her shoulder length braids into a ponytail Cecila pushed her glasses up her nose and grabbed her black bag, "No time like the present."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"How's she doing?" Jean looked up from the Blackbird's controls as her boyfriend re-entered the cockpit to sit next to her, they were about half way over the Atlantic. Half-way home.

Scott shook his head slightly and Jean quickly scanned their bond for any of the self-loathing he had been feeling in the last year, but all she found was concern for their team-mates. All in all a great weight had been lifted from his broad shoulders. It was a pleasant surprise; almost like having the old Scott back. Jean sincerely hoped there would be no more late night drinking binges or nightmares. She had felt so useless in the last year watching him do his level best to destroy himself. Watching him turn away from her and everyone else who cared.

Turning her head slightly Jean met Scott's gaze with a smile as he spoke, "I had to give her more of the sedative-she was starting to glow again. Betsy's sleeping comfortably …and Rogue finally convinced Piotr to have a nap."

One pale eyebrow lifted in wonder-the artist hadn't given any indication that he would sleep. He seemed too absorbed in his vigil…the pieces fell into place with a resounding thud. There was only one way Jean could think of that Rogue could get Piotr to sleep, "She touched him didn't she?"

A curt nod confirmed her suspicions, "It was the only way. If we let him keep going like that he'll kill himself. It's funny he used to complain about my storing when we were roommates-you should hear him."

For the first time since they had descended into the sewers to aid the Morlocks and found only death Jean laughed. Not just a chuckle but a full belly laugh, and it felt good. It didn't' take a telepath to sense Scott's confusion-it was written all over his face. Gaining some control over herself Jena still couldn't help smiling at her boyfriend, "I was doing a session with Rogue to work on her psyche control…we were using Asli because it always made Rogue feel like she was still around you know. Well…when she realized I was there I got an earful of how the worst part of staying with the X-Men at Magneto's order was rooming with me."

"Why was that?" Scott frowned; it was funny that they had Rogue to tell them how Asli had felt about them-the hacker had certainly never tipped her hand.

"According to her I snored." The corners of Jean's eyes crinkled with mirth, "Apparently, she and Piotr decided we were perfect for each other based on that fact."

In on the secret Scott couldn't help chuckling himself as he lightly set his hand over Jean's, "They don't know the half of it."

With that simple touch Jean could feel the love flowing from her best friend; how he had appreciated her standing by him even when he was set on destroying himself. Jean smiled at him before returning her undivided attention back to flying the Blackbird, knowing she didn't have to say anything. Sometimes love went beyond having to say the words.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Using up her very last nerve of steel Kitty eyed the machine Moria was tinkering with just outside her cell. She wondered if it was supposed to look so intimidating-probably-that's the way doctors and mad scientists liked their gadgets, "That's supposed to turn my powers off?"

"That's the theory." The red headed doctor finished and closed the work panel on the gadget that looked like a small X-Ray machine, "I've been playing with the current going off the bio-electrical readings your Hank McCoy took when you were first injured…"

If Kitty hadn't been used to the said Mr. McCoy running off on technical tangents Moria would have lost her well before 'bio-electrical'. It never failed to amaze Kitty that although she could hack with the best of them, even break down and reassemble most computer systems with ease-she had to actually **work** for the A's she had gotten in biology and chemistry. High technology and mathematics just came easier to her. "Okay. And how do we do that?"

"Normally I'd say hop up on the table, but I think that's one formality we can do with out." Moria shrugged eyeing the machine warily, "You said you can remain tangible if you concentrate hard enough…"

Kitty moved closer to the glass nodding her head, "Yeah. But not for very long…"

"Then we'll just have to be quick about it." Moria smiled thinly-her eyes tight and worried.

Sucking in a deep breath Kitty nodded again; they would have to work fast and hope to hell it worked otherwise she'd phase through the machine and leave it a smoking ruin. Her eyes burned as the thought of destroying her only chance at returning to a normal life blazed through her mind. With effort she pushed the tears back and bit her lip determinedly at this point Kitty was willing to do anything including sell her soul to get control back. She had felt so incredibly useless since the fight in the Alley.

Regaining control over her powers would be a big step for Kitty towards taking back her life. Sure she really didn't have a home, or friends, or a boyfriend left but Brian had asked her to stay in England to help them out while Betsy was Stateside. Not to mention the fact that despite being the British version of Remy, Pete Wisdom had gone out of his way to be nice to her. The rational part of her mind told her that he probably just wanted to get in her pants but the effort he was putting in was appreciated. It had been a long time since Kitty had felt like the type of girl guys noticed and flirted with.

Levelling her blue eyes at Moira's invention Kitty gathered up her courage in her fists and took a hold of her own destiny, "I suppose we will."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"You did what?" Pete asked nearly spitting out a mouthful of good twelve year old Scotch; it had taken him a few days but he had found Moira's personal stash.

Brian Braddock crossed his arms over his chest and locked eyes with his team-mate; lowering himself into a chair in front of Pete at the table, "I asked Kitty to stay."

"Why in bloody hell would you do a fool thing like that?" The dark haired man dashed back the rest of his glass to punctuate the sentence.

Rolling his eyes Brian sighed; he really hadn't been expecting this kind of reaction from Pete-the former spy had shown a little interest in Miss. Pryde-he should be happy she'd be sticking around. Besides, Brian couldn't help rushing to the rescue on this one; the girl seemed so utterly frail in the wake of everything that had happened, "Because she needed a place to go. She won't be able to handle going back to Xavier's right away and I doubt they'll be ready for her either. You told me yourself what her boyfriend…"

"Ex-boyfriend, mate." Pete corrected causing Brian to smile cunningly-it made Pete wish he hadn't opened his big mouth. Maybe he was right when he told Rogue his mutation was to make a superhuman ass of himself-it could be a secondary mutation.

Continuing where he left off Brian cleared his throat, "Anyway…The girl needs a chance to recover and they need to let their tempers cool. Why not kill two birds with one stone-especially since Bets is gone over there. You know that with just you, me and Meggan we won't be able to handle everything."

"It didn't have to be her," Pete grumbled reaching out to pour himself another Scotch-he needed it, really he did.

Brian reached out and pulled the bottle out of his friend's reach with a Cheshire smile plastered on his face, "Admit it Pete you like her. You've got a crush."

As the blonde man's voice began to take on a sing-song quality Pete frowned his eyes narrowing dangerously, "Naff off."

"I mean she's a little young for you…" Brian grinned enjoying the fact that he finally had a chance to get the better of the other man-it wasn't going to last so he'd enjoy it while he could.

Pete's expression grew even darker; if that were possible and he glared across the table, "I'm only gonna tell you once more mate…sod off…or I will stick a hot-knife so far up your…"

"Fine," Brian backed off knowing full well that Pete probably would try to clean his colon with a hot-knife if he pushed any more, "Suit yourself. But she's staying."

Standing Brian left the table to allow Pete to digest the fact that it was useless to argue any further.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% 

Yay! That was hard to get out…whew! So the plot thickens. So for those of you I didn't email about it…I've started working on a bigger, clearer better Cypher arc. Really all I'm doing is editing and rewriting parts of the first few stories to make them a bit heftier. Anyone interested can email me for a copy…I won't post it here at ff.net until I've got the first three stories done. But yes I hope the insights into Cecila, Jean and Brian and Pete pleases everyone…I know the Jott was kind of revolting but come on it's not like I pay attention to the GAP couple often.

I don't own the song 'Useless'…It's Imogen Heap's

Imogen Heap - Useless 

I am a mirror, with no reflection  
I am a razor, without my blade  
I am the daylight, when the moon shines no  
Who will want to make my sandcastle that's already made   
  
I feel so useless, do you   
  
Speak to an ear deaf to my voice  
Look through your fear, still blind to my way  
I reach to hold you, but I don't feel you there, do you   
Even realize I'm here am I just wasting away?  
No wasting away  
Living, inside you play   
  
My dying prayer, sealed in a scream  
Unwelcome, and a conscious dream  
I am your whore, without a name  
I climb to fall, to begin again, to begin again  
I climb to fall, suffer, hatred, deceit and pain  
Anger, regret, loving in vain   
  
I am an arrow, with no direction  
My life your tarot, my picture your fate  
I'm your becoming, so ill always be nothing  
If i ever break away from you that day forth, you'll be living  
My hate  
Oh god help his fate  
I'll watch you, watch you suffocate

And so on with the responses.

**Star of Chaos** – Yay…I think I'll wear a pouffy skirt and a tiara and wave a wand of Angst! Can I have wings too? Yeah I love Angel…she's an amazing writer…but man…I get sooooo depressed reading Dismal Angel…but like a real masochist I keep going back. Yes…well I'm far too lazy to type it all out…that's just me. I'm glad you liked my first foray into fluff land. Yeah, the only thing I really hate about Scott's character is his unbending this is how things are look at life…I mean the lines between good and evil aren't usually that well defined…he's starting to realize that and become a real human. I got my surprise! Yay and a chapter of Starting today…today too…I'm going to read once I've posted.

**Truly Rogue** – Hey…good to hear from you again…I hope school isn't too rough on you right now. Yeah….kitty's due for some happiness..

**Pixie Flyer**__– What is it with satanic teachers and finals…teehee…I think its funny that while you guys bitch about it I listen to my roommate complain about her students…I think I did half her marking this week. I think I know where this is going…but don't quote me I like changing my mind.

**Ishy** – What not reviewing right away! I'm shocked! Shocked I say! grin But I suppose it was for a good reason….i would have understood if Oz had suddenly appeared in LA though. Yeah I've started adding stuff after sending you teasers so that it's not all the same…muhahahaha! I love it when you squeal…you stopped all the cars on the QEW. Come on…if I could have written it with Asli waking him up and kicking his ass I would have but it doesn't follow with the rest of my evil plan. Sorry. But at least he's aware that he'd get an ass kicking. Nah…I think the stick is going to be officially retired. Oh Kitty really needed to stop repressing…but a big part of why things were so bad was because she let Piotr get away with it…any other girl would have given him the boot long ago and just remained friends. But that's okay…now she can get even. She and Pete should have lots of fun together. That song is one of the saddest I know…it was begging…BEGGING to be used. We should stop with the Bono though…cause otherwise I'll think of another dumb slogan like "More Rock Less Pope." I told you that the mother of a friend of mine grew up next door to Bono right? Another one of my brushes with fame! Get your Krac fic they're angstily delicious! Yeah I like that one.

**ScoobyD0530** – Welcome aboard the Angst train…one way to heartbreaksville. For some reason I can't let anyone be happy here…bear with me. Kitty has gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to men but maybe Pete will turn it around…maybe. Yay…you do know you can review anonymously…no need for an account but I'm pleased as punch you got one to review me. In the comics Pete was the guy Kitty dated after Piotr…so far I've stuck to that…but their break up was different because Asli is an OC. So the fun Piotr vs. Pete grudge match isn't on tap…or is it? I've been working my way slowly towards the fluff. I wanted it to count when I finally got to it instead of just throwing it in…I like it having emotional punch.

**Melissarxy1** – Yep I like Pete…I read "Gaining Wisdom" you know…I just haven't gotten to review…I'm notoriously bad for that…I don't know why authors don't Evotise him more…I mean what's not to love about a chain smoking, snarky, drunken Brit? Glad you've enjoyed it…did you read the other stories in the arc? Cause if not wait till 'Cypher Redux' is ready it'll be more worth your while.


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